Martin Bento (explodedview) wrote,
Martin Bento

Bush Nominates Horse to Supreme Court

President Bush caught the pundits by surprise yesterday in nominating his horse Harriet Neighers to the Supreme Court. Many Democrats who had been concerned that Bush's next nominee would have extreme ideas were impressed with how deftly Bush neutralized the "idea" problem. "From all we can tell by the paper trail, her main concerns have been accumulating hay and flicking off flies. Who could argue with that?" said Senator Harry Reid, slyly suggesting that he had been consulted on the nomination. Senator Dianne Feinstein reported that she had once asked the horse at a cocktail party whether she approved of Roe - one tap for yes, two taps for no. The horse tapped once, lost its balance, and fell over. "I suppose we were all drinking a bit at that party", said Feinstein, "but, still, one tap is one tap".

Many conservatives, however, fulminated in anger. "A pony! We clearly told that simian simpleton we wanted a pony!" spat out Michael Savage, already feeling cussed from all the fuss over the anniversary of his ex, Allen Ginsberg. "Look at those teeth! Those droopy eyes! This horse won't last two decades! We ask for a virile, young Clarence Thomas of a horse and get a Mrs. Ed leftover from the sixties!".

But Bush praised the horse warmly, "She may not be an Arabian Stallion - those are bad form these days - but she's *my* horse. That's the important thing. I've had to go through some real sewers to get where I am today, and no matter how putrid and toxic a soup she had to go through, she always did exactly she was told. That's what makes a horse a horse, a real horse, of course, of course, and that's why I nominated her. People worry about how she will vote. Well, we put this little box on her back, under the saddle, and let's just say she'll always know what to do. Ain't that right, Harriet?" Neighers blew air through her lips in agreement.
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